This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
