After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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