i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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