can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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