we're blogging at a bar
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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