i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize