I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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