May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
