Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
