my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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