chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will be naked everywhere
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
