One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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