Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
