i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
