Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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