just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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