I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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