I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
