I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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