Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize