I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
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Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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