i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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