I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
