She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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