did you get engaged???
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
