walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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