Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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