my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
