Where are you?
In a non slutty way
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
