True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
