Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
