A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
