Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
