dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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