just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
