Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
