I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I deserve this hangover.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
