Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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