A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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