Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
