Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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