It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
