dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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