I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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