There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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