on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
a search helicopter?!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think i got beer on your cat.
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