I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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