If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
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At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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