Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
