Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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