3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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