i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
