dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
