I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
