I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
