Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
