Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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