his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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