Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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